My Most Recent Thoughts #3

This isn’t a recent thought but I have been skeptical to share it and finally just got up enough courage to do so.  I’ve been living with anxiety for most of my life but I was formally diagnosed a little over ago.

While I was younger I was always a stressed out and nervous kid, I can remember my anxiousness about being somewhere on time, forgetting something, a test coming up, the list goes on.  It’s no joke when I say that I was voted in our high school senior polls as “most likely to get an ulcer”, who gets that?!?!  Me, that’s who!  My heart would race, I would get panicky, I couldn’t speak and I was extremely emotional.  I would get upset and cry over some of the smallest issues, but it was more because of things not going the way I expected them to and my anxiousness arising due to not controlling an outcome.  Honestly, I thought everyone felt the way I did, no one seemed to point out the obvious and I didn’t talk about it because I hadn’t known that I felt differently than others.

My life in high school and college were so extremely busy; numerous activities and jobs at the same time along with school kept my mind busy enough to ignore what was underlying inside of me.  My anxiety would, and still does, get heightened when I have too much down time or too much going on.  When I don’t have enough items to keep my mind occupied that’s when anxiety would rip through my brain.  With the opposite, if I had too much on my plate it would bring a different anxiety through stress.  When I look back many of those years are a complete blur, which maybe I am glad they were because I don’t want to remember how crazy I was.

Fast forward a few years when I was done with college and had a full time job that took over my life (plus a part time job).  My position was a perfect job for me at that time because A) it made me grow up and B) it kept me running and working non-stop which I needed to stay stable and sane.  Once I quit that job and went back to school for my Masters degree it gave me more time to think and get overwhelmed with my thoughts and anxiety.  I remember once being off my birth control pills, because I didn’t have health insurance to pay for them, and visiting with my sister-in-law and telling her how awful I felt mentally and that my emotions were taking over me and I couldn’t keep anything straight.  She told me what I knew, I needed to go back on my pill because the hormones were stabilizing my mood but that I also needed to look into the anxiety I was feeling.  At the time I wasn’t ready to hear that I had a problem and brushed it off and kept down the same path that I was going but back on my birth control pills.  After I finished my Masters degree without a teaching job to go to I went back to my old job that kept me bouncing all over the place and keeping  me busy.  I had a breaking point though and I could no longer go at that pace, I was trying to do my job at 120% and it was the straw that broke my back.  Goodbye job that I was on-call 24 hours a day for, I was trying to overachieve and have my staff call me non-stop instead of having them call the real on-call manager and I hit the stress wall.

Luckily quitting that job brought me to the job I hold today but it brought me a lot of down time in my life.  Working 9-5 and not having to bring home work with me and not having a second job made my anxiety soar.  I did a good job hiding by my anxiety from others, in social situations I just drank more alcohol,  I would bring someone along with me to things so I wouldn’t be the one focused on, I found excuses to bail on plans, when I was home I would organize and reorganize and clean already cleaned things, I would shop a lot, I would take naps (sometimes to turn my brain off but sometimes because I was so anxious at night and couldn’t sleep).  My list of my own mechanisms went on and on.  Years after I did a lot of these things and I came clean to my friends that I had anxiety, they pieced a lot of it together.  My one friend said to me, is that why you ask me the thousands of questions when we would go somewhere and who was going to be there, etc etc, yep that was it.  I also had to tell her that all those times I had to leave a place we were at was not because I was tired or sick or I had a work phone call, it was because I would break out in a panic and needed the confines of my own place that I could control.

A little over a year ago I knew I needed help stabilizing my anxiety and mood.  When I went to the doctor for my annual physical I had expressed my feelings to her and told her the history of how I felt.  Thankfully my doctor listened to me and went step by step through treatments we could try to manage my anxiety.  We decided on trying me on a low dose of medication and after a month the doctor increased the medication because I was still experiencing a lot of anxious behaviors.  After a couple months of side effects that were less than desirable my doctor suggested I try a different medication.  Thankfully my mood seemed to stabilize and my anxiety was non-existent.  It was such a relief to go days and weeks without being anxious and emotional.  With every medication comes side effects and again this medication was giving me a new side effect of packing on weight.  Strangely enough, I cared less about the weight gain because my mental state had a significant change.  My doctor and I came up with a new plan to decrease my medication dosage and see if I could try to find other ways to decrease my anxiety.  I’m happy to say that I’ve found a lot of strategies to help me daily to keep my anxiety at bay and my emotions in check.  Daily I meditate when I get up in the morning, sometimes in the evening if I am having an anxious day and it might hinder my sleep, I make lists when I begin to feel overwhelmed, I practice yoga a couple times a week at least, I drink a magnesium supplement called Calm at night to help me sleep through the night.  Those are some of the top ways I help myself.

It took me awhile to tell others about my disorder, I was embarrassed by it.  Once I began to talk about what I had been experiencing with others I found that I’m not the only one who lives with this.  There are a lot of people who take medication for the same reason I do.  Not everyone has the same anxious feeling and behaviors I do but that doesn’t matter, it’s still a debilitating disorder that can affect your life if not treated.  I’m sharing my experience with you because I know it might help someone and also to let them know it’s ok to talk to your doctor about what can be done to help treat the anxiety to live a healthier life.  I’m much happier and healthier since I focused on treating my symptoms.



Friday Favorites #44

Happy Labor Day Weekend!  Enjoy the extra day off!  Here’s some of my favorites from this week!

1. Now that it’s been a month since I have been using it I can give you the results from using Gelatin Collagen.  There are 3 things I have noticed the biggest changes with.  First, my hair is growing like a weed!  My hair tends to grow pretty slowly but in the last month it has grown so long and strong, there is a definite difference to the feel of my hair.  Secondly, just like my hair my nails are growing so quickly and strong.  I have had to cut my toenails a lot and my fingernails aren’t breaking and peeling as they tend to do.  The last thing I have noticed is that my joints are bothering me less.  Many mornings my ankles and hips are really tight and has less range of motion but now I wake up and I can feel a difference when I am walking around.  So there is a minor little thing I have seen a difference in but it could be because a slew of other reasons but my cellulite seems to be a little less noticeable but I can’t count it as a real result from using the Collagen as it may be from other things like working out or dry brushing, etc.  So, all in all, do I recommend this?  Yes, I think I have seen changes in my body and it is worth integrating two tablespoons in my smoothies and teas each day.

2. I’m terrible at small talk, some good pointers for the next time I’m in this situation.

3. With all the delicious peaches and tomatoes at the market lately I need to make this Peach & Tomato Caprese Salad.

4. I REALLY need to try this!

5. Had my first PSL!  Gosh I love them and now Starbucks has almond milk which makes it even better!

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Friday Favorites #43

There’s so many things I have to share today!

1. It always annoys me when I have to buy a lot of one ingredient for a little bit I’ll use in one recipe or when I forget something on my shopping list, here’s a great list for substitutions!

2. Not a huge fan of scary movies but if you are then a great exercise challenge when you’re watching.

3. Need to make this Ice Cream Cake ASAP!

4. I never know how I should be cleaning my workout clothes, guess I need to buy a special detergent.

5. A smart article to check out about expenses.

6. The other day I read that you can buy Starbucks pumpkin spice sauce now!  OMG who wants to split this with me, I need to have this in my life but clearly don’t need 63oz of it!

7. Yep all the truth about running!

8. No joke!  I binge watched Stranger Things in just a few days, that’s embarrassing.


Friday Favorites #42

1.  The Olympics make me so happy!  The athletes are just amazing!Rio-2016-Logo.jpg

2. I’ve drank something like this in the past, maybe I should go back to it since I haven’t been drinking coffee or caffeine.

3. My friend told me about the app, AllTrails.  It tells you about trails that are in your area and gives you maps and tons of other information concerning the trail.  I highly recommend it if you want to do some hikes.

4. Finally reading the new Harry Potter!  Wondering how fast I can finish it in, hopefully by Monday I’ll be onto a new book since I’m sure I won’t be able to put it down.

5. Here’s a list of some of my Friday Favorites that I love reading each week


Back to Olympic watching!

Panko Crusted Chicken with Honey Mustard Sauce

My sister passed along this recipe to me and I am so glad she did because it was plate licking delicious!  Pretty sure this will be in my weekly rotation of meals!  I snapped absolutely no pictures because I really hadn’t thought it would be anything spectacular but I was soooo wrong!  This recipe gets even more points for being so quick and easy that I even threw it together on a weekday night.

The following recipe made two servings of chicken (with sauce left over)

For the chicken:


Little less than a pound of chicken breasts

2/3 cup panko breadcrumbs

1/2 tsp paprika

1/2 tsp onion powder

1/2 tsp salt

5 tsp olive oil

1 egg

Preheat oven to 425 degrees and spray baking sheet ( I used a stone) with cooking spray.  Mix panko, paprika, onion powder, salt in a dish.  Drizzle olive oil over the mixture and mash with a fork until it’s mixed.  Whisk the egg and place in another dish.  Coat chicken in egg then in the panko mixture and place on baking sheet.  Cook in the oven till it reaches 165 degrees (it took mine 25 minutes).

For the sauce:


1/4 cup plain yogurt

2 tbsp Dijon mustard

2 tbsp honey

black pepper

Whisk all the ingredients together.

Once the chicken is done then place on plate and top with some sauce.



Friday Favorites #41

1. So excited!!!!  As this is posted I am on my way driving to West Virginia to see one of my best friends!  I’m driving by myself so I haven’t listened to any of my podcasts for the week so hopefully they keep me occupied.

2. How easy does this mug cake sound and no funky ingredients!  I made it and it was a perfect little treat!  Don’t burn your mouth, break it up and let it cool.

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3. Right now this article runs true for me, running this summer is tough getting up around 5:30 am to run before the heat comes but I end up running in 75%-95% humidity.

4. I would like someone to make this for me please!


5. Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!  Margarita Bites!!!!!  Making these ASAP!

6. I’ve been putting collagen in my morning smoothie and tea everyday and it doesn’t change the taste of the texture of either.  Since it’s been such a short period of time I do not have any results to share however I found this post to be helpful.  It also has 6g of protein per tbsp, so an extra 12g a day for me!

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